Travis Touchdown, the protagonist in No More Heroes, likes perverted anime, wrestling, and video games. He bought a real working light saber-like sword so he could go out and kill all the assassins around so he could be number one. Why? To earn more money to buy video games, of course. Not exactly a role model. Because of all the classic 8-bit game allusions in No More Heroes, it kind of caught my interest and I bought it when it went down in price. The violence didn’t bother me at first, as victims just looked liked piñatas with red streamers coming out of them (the game has a stylized feel and look to it). But the ultra-violent finishing moves you perform on the boss assassins bothered me a bit (I know, I’m a big baby), so I stopped playing. However, I still bought the sequel when it went on sale because I wanted to play the 8-bit NES styled side jobs to help Travis earn money. So here’s a blog about Travis Touchdown’s 8-bit side jobs in No More Heroes 2!
In the first game, when you weren’t chopping up assassins, you could do 3-D mini-games in the form of part time jobs to help Travis earn money to buy more items and fees. For instance, in the first job you would collect coconuts and bring them to a guy for money, but you could only hold so many and you had a limited amount of time to do it. In the sequel, Travis still does side-jobs for money. But now, in the spirit of the first game’s 8-bit allusions, the jobs are all 2-D with 8-bit graphics and play like NES mini-games. And most are pretty fun, too, if you like the classics.
So anyway, I really wanted to play these 8-bit jobs, but I didn’t want to go through the violent main part of the game. So what did I do? Well, my little brother Jeff is old enough now to play M rated games, so he went through and unlocked all the side jobs for me! So thanks, Jeff! Although I am going to have to get on to Jeff about ONE thing. In the sequel, Travis’ cat is overweight and you have to play mini-games (not 8-bit ones) to play with her and get her back and shape and be happy. Well, Jeff hasn’t been doing ANY of that! And I don’t know how to do that part of the game. So I’m going to have to have a talk with Jeff about taking care of virtual pets. Ha ha!
I don’t know who most of the characters are in No More Heroes 2, since all I’ve played are the mini-games. But I think my favorite character so far is Naomi, who sells you different light swords in her laboratory. She says some funny stuff to Travis when you don’t buy anything, and that made me laugh. Like, “You’re cuter when you have money.” Ha ha! I only went into her store so I could see how much money I earned from playing mini-games, but I bet Travis liked going in there for other reasons, the little pervert. Ha ha! I know you can play as other characters in the sequel; it would be cool if she was one of them.
Anyway, here’s a brief rundown on the 8-bit fun in No More Heroes 2. And if you want a good idea of what I’m like in real life, just think of me as Travis Touchdown’s ‘good twin.’ Although if they made a No More Heroes 3: Starring Cary Woodham, it would probably be a really boring game!
Ryan’s Gym (Stamina and Muscle)
Actually, two of the 8-bit mini-games aren’t jobs at all. There is a gym where you can ‘train’ to gain HP and other stats. The owner of the gym is really creepy. He wears pink spandex and tries to hit on Travis. Ew! And his mini-games are too hard! In the Stamina game, you must press buttons alternately to stay on a treadmill, but I always fall off! And in the strength game, you must punch and kick dumbbells he throws at you, and dodge Ryan’s hearts he tosses your way. I did a little better at that game, but I guess I didn’t do well enough in Ryan’s eyes. So yeah, the gym mini-games aren’t as fun.
This is one of my favorites! Travis is an exterminator in this game that’s like a mix of Pac-Man, Bomberman, and Tumble Pop (you sucked up and spit out enemies with a vacuum in that one, and it was similar to Bubble Bobble). Anyway, in Bug Out, help Travis navigate mazes and sucks up bugs, mice, and giant scorpions! You can collect power ups and lay pesticides to stun your foes. I just like games where you run around mazes and chase things.
Lay the Pipe
Look out, Mario, Travis is a plumber, now! This one’s a lot like Pipe Dream. You can pick up blue pieces of pipe, rotate them, and then lay them down so the sludge can flow from one side of the pipe to the other. Since you always have to leave enough space for Travis to walk around, it can be kind of tricky to lay pipes correctly.
It pays homage to the first No More Heroes job of collecting coconuts. This one’s a 2-D sidescroller where you kick trees and catch the falling coconuts. Just make sure they land in your basket and not konk you on the head! And make sure to jump over scorpions, bees, and other pesky pests. Reach the end of the stage with as many coconuts as you can in the time limit to win!
Pizza with a Vengeance
What do you get when you mix Rad Racer with Hang-On? This mini-game is another one of my favorites, and it’s a good way to earn lots of money, too. You have to deliver pizzas on a motorcycle, but it plays like a NES racing game such as Rad Racer. Avoid cars, oil slicks, and other roadside obstacles. It’s not too hard until you get to the fourth stage!
Man the Meat
In this cooking game, you have to fry steaks how the customer wants them. You can see a thought bubble over their head and see if they want their steak rare, medium, or well done. The game even uses fuzzy 8-bit voices, too! Hold the A button down to fry the meat, and release it when done. You have to watch the color of the meat to see how well-cooked it is. But it can be pretty tough, and the customers are very finicky. If they don’t like how you cooked, they’ll throw their fork at your 8-bit pixellated forehead! Ouch! Where’s Cooking Mama when you need her?
Tile in Style
It may look similar to Tetris at first, but this one’s more like those tanagram puzzlers. You have about five Tetris-like tiles and must arrange them in a square so they all fit. It’s tougher than it sounds, but if you manage to do it, you’ll earn a good amount of money.
The last 8-bit game you unlock is the toughest! It reminds me a bit of Gravitar and Solar Jetman. Travis goes out in space and must collect trash floating above Earth and bring it to the shuttle on the top part of the screen. You make Travis move with puffs of air, but you must point out which direction you want him to shoot air at, and he’ll fly in the opposite direction. So controls are a little confusing since you must press down to go up, for instance. Plus, the jets are too sensitive and you can start going fast and out of control quickly. And if you get too close to the Earth at the bottom of the screen, you’ll burn up! Plus you can run out of air! Needless to say, I can’t get past the first level!
And that’s all the side-job mini-games. Well, there is one more you can unlock, but it’s actually in 3-D and not 8-bit. I think you have to get rid of scorpions or something. But it’s not 8-bit so I don’t care. Plus I don’t think Jeff has unlocked it yet! The stinker! Ha ha!
Bizarre Jelly 5
There is one more bit of classic arcade-y goodness in No More Heroes 2, but it’s not an 8-bit side job. It’s a 2-D vertically scrolling shooter you can play in Travis’ dump of a house. At first I was like, “Aw, how cute. You can fly around as an adorable little girl and shoot little mushrooms and stuff.” But unfortunately, after you beat the game you unlock a little cartoon video to watch. Apparently, Bizarre Jelly 5 is one of Travis Touchdown’s favorite anime cartoons, so you know what that means! It’s a Sailor Moon spoof, but the underage girls here have ridiculously floppy breasts and nearly look naked when transforming. So yeah, it was kind of…ewww! Darn you, Travis Touchdown! You tricked me, you little pervert!
No More Blog
And that’s all for now! Hey, while I wrote this blog, I had a funny thought that you all can discuss in the comments section. If they really did make a No More Heroes 3: Starring Cary Woodham, would you play it? What do you think it would be like? (silly thought, I know) I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately, so you could lie and say you’d play it just to make me feel better. Ha ha!